The World’s Crappiest Escape Room? 💩
Location: London, England
Date Played: October 22, 2025
Team Size: 1-3; we recommend 1-2
Duration: 10-15 minutes
Price: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ticketing: Private
Accessibility Consideration: tight space
Emergency Exit Rating: [A+] No Lock
Physical Restraints: [A+] No Physical Restraints
REA Reaction
Short escape rooms have a pretty stinky reputation. A game that takes 5 – 15 minutes rarely has time to bulk up and build into something worthwhile or satisfying.
The T.U.R.D.I.S. by Portaclue (a Bewilder Box side project) solved this problem by overflowing the bowl with charm and good escape room shit.
In addition to being a fantastic Dr. Who reference, T.U.R.D.I.S. stands for “Toilet Utilities Requiring Dexterity, Intelligence & Skill” and Portaclue didn’t half-ass the concept. They acquired a real, factory fresh porta potty, and sprayed every corner with puzzles, joy, and poop jokes (which is sort of a redundant way of saying “joy” again).
The T.U.R.D.I.S. is the property of Dr. Poo and his companion, Number Two. Which I think we can all agree is perfection. I cannot improve upon this with additional jokes.
Once inside of The T.U.R.D.I.S., we found ourselves plunged into a mess of classic escape room puzzles, snaking through enigmas, and wiping away mystery.
Now, I typically would have solved a game like this in private. But given that I was at the Immersive Experience Network conference, it really seemed improper to dominate these facilities… so I played with my friends Liz (Review The Room) and Evan Broder (who lives on the East Coast).
We finished The T.U.R.D.I.S. in under 4 minutes. Knowing that the 3 of us could swiftly push through a game that was designed explicitly for people that are shitting faced, tripping their asses off, and corporate groups which tend to play at that same level of competence, came as a powerful relief. Any one of us could have easily passed the puzzles in The T.U.R.D.I.S.. With our forces combined, we blew the place up. No one else was able to play after we finished (and that’s not just because we played at the very end of the conference).
To top it all off, The T.U.R.D.I.S. came equipped with a mechanical disco ball and sound system ensuring that upon winning we could cut one loose.
If that wasn’t enough crap to pack into one micro escape room, The T.U.R.D.I.S. was administered by actors who were deeply committed to the bit. They never passed an opportunity to add another nugget of character or humor to the experience. If any game could handle having a shitty gamemaster it’s this one… but the Portaclue team’s commitment to polishing every turd was as impressive as it was admirable.
The T.U.R.D.I.S. isn’t the kind of game that you can simply book for an individual round. You either need to book it for a large or corporate group, step in it at Glastonbury… or hope that you cross paths with it wherever it plops.
Lastly, I am having a review-off with Liz. So go check out her review of The T.U.R.D.I.S. on Review The Room to see what jokes she has dropped all over her work. Tragically one of us will be number two, but perhaps that’s the true honor.
Book Portaclue’s The T.U.R.D.I.S., and tell them that the Room Escape Artist sent you.
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